Bloody shafts! Is there any recent kiddult TV superhero series with worse dialogue and mindlessly repetitive character tropes as “Arrow“. For an X-Gener like me you kinda’ have to watch some of this rubbish as a homage to your youthful reading habits. But seriously folks, I’m about ready to give up. There is a saving grace … it gives me an excuse to write the Superhero puzzles series. So here goes.
This post is about trying to suggest more imaginative scriptwriting. (The situation is so desperate that I’ll even offer my services and quit my job if DC or Marvel want to employ my scriptwriting services.)
First, some more rants to set the scene. Black Canary (Laurel Lance): there cannot be a more impulsively driven mad women in all of scifi tv. If there is … warn me not to watch! It’s unbearably annoying and totally unimaginative scriptwriting.
Another character whose story arc shows anti-darwinian evolution is Spartan (John Diggle): is there any other superhero or scifi character who is so consistently wrong in their predictions and strategies and yet so morally preachy and idiotically righteous? I lost count early on of the number of times Diggle chews out Arrow (Oliver Queen) and then turns out to be utterly wrong and yet never seems to have to apologize. Apart from it’s sister TV show Flash, there is perhaps no dumber superhero series that pretends to be “youth/adult entertainment” as Arrow. The quasi-science is appalling at times, and the plot directions baffling when far more awesome stories could be built by using more physically realistic constraints. If you want a contrast, then try watching Agents of SHIELD or Agent Carter or the short run of Constantine, … The Marvel television series writers are not brilliant, but they are levels above the DC franchise writers. At Marvel they at least know when to not take themselves too seriously, in the British Doctor Who tradition, so it’s fun.
The Puzzle, the Bloodlust
So Speedy (Thea Queen/Red Arrow) gets half-killed (or fully killed? Maybe not brain dead?) then healed in the Lazarus Pit. But the dude who killed her was none other than Ras Al Ghul, who in turn gets killed by Oliver. Thing is, if one is resurrected in the Lazarus Pit it is due to all the souls who died or gave their life force to the pit. When you get physically healed by the Pit you give up a small smidgen of your life force, a part of your immaterial soul gets taken, you see, so the unfortunate side-effect of receiving too much healing (i.e., resurrection) is a bloodlust, a need to kill, unless you can kill the person who killed you, then the bloodlust fades. So Thea is stricken with a case of terminal bloodlust since Olly killed her killer, so she cannot escape the curse.
The Puzzle: instead of having a boring recurring bloodlust situation, what is a far more creative and awesome way to “cure” Thea?
The answer in a few paragraphs.
First, let’s examine a rather boring scenario. A far more extreme bloodlust case arises when the terminally stupid and achingly boring impetuousness of Laura Lance gives her the mad idea of resurrecting her long dead sister from the grave. She (along with Thea) transport Sarah Lance’s body all the way to Nandar Phabat to the Lazarus Pit and resurrect her, with the almost incomprehensible (but weakly defended) permission of the new Ra’s, Malcolm Merlin. Not knowing about the bloodlust side-effect, Laurel is thrown into turmoil when Sarah awakens as basically a raving rabidly made zombie.
Guess who killed Sarah Lance? It was Thea Queen, her friend. Thea was driven to kill Sarah by Malcolm Merlin who had drugged Thea. Don’t ask why. Anyway, Sarah now has to worst case of bloodlust in the world. She is stalking Star City killing any women who look remotely like Thea Queen.
When Oliver finds out he consults his buddy John Constantine who knows bit of black magic. Constantine performs a ritual and retrieves Sarah Lance’s soul, along with an appropriate amount of mystic realm histrionics. But the ritual is not too difficult, it takes a few herbs and spices and incantations, a mystic battle and is all over in a few minutes (maybe an hour of fictional time).
OK, so why not repeat for Thea?
Guess the scriptwriters need her to hold onto bloodlust for some plot contrivances! Lazy, lazy scriptwriters. You make the intelligence of your characters seem like a 6 year old, probably worse, any 6 year old child I know would see the immediate hope for Thea. But not a DC tv writer or producer. They seem to need to insult even 6 year olds with their future plot neediness. Or are they just really dumb? Maybe Constantine has a quota on how many times he can use a spell? Who knows.
The Solution: you get Constantine or some appropriate character to hypnotize Thea into transferring her bloodlust for an urge to kill into an urge to have sex. She becomes a mystical nymphomaniac with primodial sexlust.
And before you start accusing me of misanthropy, I reckon a nice cure for the sexlust would be to get Roy Harper, Thea’s former beau, back in town. He’s the one who gets to suffer the brunt of the impact of the sexlust.
But just imagine the hilarious stories that could result. Sadly, DC take things way too seriously for this. But I think in the Marvel universe it’d fly. Whaddaya reckon?
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